"I wish I could perpetually fuck 19-year-olds until I'm 80."

"Things seem to be going too well right now so I'm going to bring up things that happened two years in the past"

"So if I drink a beer named Richard Simmons it will be delicious and healthy?"

" Ya Know, I like Emma Watson, If I have a photo it's a little bit easier to imagine me twisting my dick in like a coke bottle into her asshole. "

 

"Can  you imagine being so inspired mid-stroke that you'd stop to make comments on pornhub?"

"Lets get a few micropenises in here shove em up your nose and make ya really air tight"

"Michigan teen kills dad for making fun of how fat she is. Did she kill him by sitting on him? "

"Can you imagine the level of drizzle on that keyboard if you decide to comment after you've jerked off?"

"Just ink that thing up and slap it down on a piece of paper to show how big ya are"