Hat Trick kicks things off in a damn good mood, and why not? After six weeks of drought, she finally got laid. She’s calling herself a “complete fat cow,” but that didn’t stop a late-night booty call from putting a grin on her face the next day. She was stoned out of her skull when the guy showed up—some fireman she’s been banging. This dude’s packing what she calls the “perfect dick”—big, thick, hits all the right spots without jackhammering her cervix into next week. She’s obsessed, right? So high as a kite, she decides to play scientist—sucks him off to measure it, figures it’s eight or nine inches based on how much she can choke down and what’s left in her hand. Compares it to her wrist, too, and it’s a goddamn porn-star contender. Girth over length, she says, like it’s a mantra.
This Fireman’s a recurring character in her dirty little saga. They’ve got history—threesomes with some chick named Sputnik, who’s hot but flat as a board and allegedly lousy in bed. Hat Trick’s still pissed she never got fucked on a fire truck, a dream derailed when she started dating some boyfriend years back. Fireman’s still sniffing around for another threesome, but Sputnik’s been MIA for a decade. Meanwhile, Kid A.G.’s digging through old show notes—using ChatGPT like a nerd to organize his chaos—and Sputnik’s name pops up, stirring the pot.
Hat Trick’s got a thing for edibles lately, popping one before the show to mellow out. She’s a lightweight, cutting 20-milligram gummies into quarters, while her brother downs whole bags like candy. She was double-dosed and sky-high when Fireman came over recently—said it felt amazing but desensitized her so much she couldn’t finish. He was too drunk to notice, which pissed her off. Kid A.G.’s no stranger to the high life either—his buddy Red Stick swore fucking while stoned is the best, and damn if he wasn’t right. Kid’s still horny as hell at nearly 50, recounting a wild day with road head from Erasure, a bathroom jerk-off sesh, and a half-hour morning romp—all in 24 hours. Guy’s a machine.
They veer into weirder territory—Magnum brags about squirting for the first time in LA, Red Eye claims guys can squirt post-orgasm (total bullshit, they agree, just piss), and she admits to gargling a dude’s urine on air once. No kink-shaming here, but they’re not signing up for that. Hat Trick’s had pity sex—probably—but can’t recall specifics with all the dick she’s racked up. She juggled two guys once, including Twin’s Dad, who locked her down after a flower mix-up at Applebee’s exposed her side piece. Kid’s got his own “situationships,” gravitating to low-drama connections, like with Erasure, who’s cool sharing him with friends for cuddle sessions that sometimes turn X-rated.
Hat Trick’s proudest feat? Three hockey players in 12 hours—different dudes, different times, all in Memphis. One was a drunk disaster, another a living-room quickie, and the third a morning redemption with “Soupie” before her flight. Kid tried for four blowjobs in a day once but struck out—Hat Trick turned him down, citing a relationship. They wrap with plans for drinks and a nod to their effortless chemistry, no matter how long it’s been.
Go Deep!
